The Memories Fire, The Rhythms Fall Slow

It's been a long time since I've written here. I'm going to break this post into two parts.

I first started this blog in 2008 as I began to realize that I was going to go to law school. It's 2012, and I'm now a lawyer. I've got my law degree, I've passed the bar, and I'm not really practicing.

Instead, I'm an engineer. I'm also general counsel, but that's not my primary role. Well, I've always been an engineer. Now I get paid for being one.

Half of my friends think I'm insane. These are the lawyers, who are all miserable about their current jobs in some form. Some enjoy parts of their work, but they all have at least one major problem they need to resolve somehow.

The other half are impressed I've got two degrees and that I'm utilizing both in a fashion. Of all ways to use my degrees, the particular path I'm taking does put me into a unique position where I can do some interesting work that few others will ever have the chance to do.

One interesting thing about having a written catalog of thoughts is that I can still look back and see what I wrote. There is a record, and a record can be frustrating while being illuminating.

I've got a post on why I left engineering in the first place. I stand by my reasons at the time, but the thing about having more time and perspective have caused my current views to change. I honestly think I can now make an impact through engineering.

The world was a different place 4 years ago, and I was in a different place. The options in front of me have changed so that my options with engineering are completely different than before. Simultaneously, I've changed as a person, and I realize that what I want to do isn't going to be something overnight. It's going to take longer, and I need to pick the right steps to get where I want.

Back to the past. After graduating law school and taking the bar exam, I had to do some soul searching. Unlike many of my fellow graduates, I had a job offer waiting for me, so there was a future in law. But what kind of future was it?

It was filled with a job that would fulfill me on a daily basis, helping people in horrible situations. I could learn the skills I needed to start my own firm with friends to go in a direction that we could control.

As a result, I went into a long introspective period. The question of what direction I wanted to go in dominated my every moment. Law made sense in many ways. However, what could I do with law at this moment? Could I make an impact? What impact would I make over my career? It would be marginal at best.


Sitting in an office, grinding away at the daily work that many attorneys could do. The people I could help would be helped with or without me. What about the rest of the people? Law seemed like a compromise of some daily effort that amounted to a negligible total effort.

What could I accomplish in that mode? It offered stability and security. With a single step, I could see the next 30 years of my life. There would be unexpected events along the way - that's just life.

Stability isn't for me. I can't keep my mind still, and I think an element of chaos is necessary in my life. Too much chaos is destructive, but not enough chaos leads to stagnation.

Where does that leave me? I have no idea. I know what I want to do in life. I want to change the world. Practicing law would have just been one step in a long path, and I realize that it would lead to marginal change in the end.

My dad is glad that I'm going into engineering. He always hated the thought of me spending my life in law, even though that is still a big part of my life and philosophy. I don't think he gets what I'm doing, as he views the last 3 years of my life as a waste of time.

Surprisingly, my uncle thinks I'm wasting my skills on engineering. Instead, he believes I should be making about $180,000 as an intellectual property attorney. It doesn't seem to matter that my beliefs are directly opposed to what such attorneys do on a daily basis for their clients.

I hope I can make a greater change this way. I've got more tools than ever, and I see some of that path coming together. Whatever the next step is, I'll handle it. I doubt it will be a clear step forward, but I've been known to have a pretty good sense of balance. I'll figure it out.

All I know is that my last step was the right one. I've learned to trust my instincts, and it's worked for me so far.